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Sexual Solitude.

What do I mean by this? The words speak for themselves. I am not alone or in actual physical solitude by any means. I wouldn’t call myself lonely, although I do love “going it alone” and being a “loner.” I equally enjoy being alone as much as I enjoy being around people.

During all my travels in 2012 to San Francisco, Maui, Utah, North Carolina and Louisiana, I took great pleasure in going solo; walking alone through Haight & Ashbury area; mellowing out by the beach for hours absorping the sights, sounds and sand; hiking up a mountain to watch the sunset; roaming an art/music festival by myself; taking daily walks in the country and spending hours in my room writing a book; I have grown to love my own company. Solitude is a favorite passtime.

My main philosophy in life is that humans are here for each other. We exist to love, share and experience an array of events with other humans, especially sex – my personal favorite. Humans and animals aren’t designed for permanant solitude, otherwise we would die off in a matter of 50-80 years. (just a guess) Solitude is merely a small part of life. It’s inevitable. We all need it regardless if we like it or not. The Universe has a way of giving a person their “alone time”.  Men love their caves and guess what….so do us women.

If solitude is a necessary part of life; to decompress, de-stress, meditate, talk to God, recharge our battery, gather our thoughts, enjoy the silence and think of nothing, catch up on sleep, work, create, etc; then perhaps this would suggest that not having sexual interaction with another is just as necessary.

I am a woman who loves love. Pleasure, joy, comfort are all reasons to live. Marriage, relationships, lovers, heck even casual booty calls, are wonderful and I have delighted in all those things. Having a partner to indulge in our God given gift of sexuality on a daily/weekly basis is what I am all about. Since my divorce, 6 years ago, this has been my ultimate goal.

In complete unabashed honesty, I have settled more often for the casual sexual relationship for my own personal reasons – no regrets. Each person we encounter is a teacher and I have gained not only pleasure in those relationships but, most importantly, wisdom.

So after all the fun has been had, the time comes when a person needs to feel a deep connection. Once in a great while, you meet someone. One fine day a person finds themselves just as drawn to you as you are to them allowing real intimacy to begin and it is nothing less than sheer heaven. That heavenly connection is the ultimate link to the Divine. How I long to feel and experience this.

And now I arrive to my initial message……

Many moons have passed since I had the pleasure of making sweet love to someone. As weeks pass, my emotional sexual well-being has fluctuated from turmoil to complacency, tears to apathy, fantasizing to writing about it, longing daydreams to anger, erotic photo exchange between my long-distance lover to completely distancing myself out of frustration, and from frequent masturbation to not touching myself for weeks at a time.

As much as I dislike not having a permanant lover in my daily life, today is the day I must accept that there is beauty in it. If I love being solo in my daily activities, then I must learn to love my present reality of sexual solitude.

The beauty and intrigue lie within the fantasies, the yearning, the wishing, the creating the ideal love in which to attract, the sexual self-discovery of the mind/body/spirit…need I go on?

I write this not only to comfort myself but to comfort many others who feel as I do.

We all want a lover or a spouse who gets us, desires us. We all want someone to love and to receive love from as well. In the meantime, as we wait for the Divine Universe to present that magical person to us, I suggest we love and honor our sexual solitude.

Hope is an emotion worth getting lost in.

beach alone

Somebody to Love – Queen