I hear so many people say this…

“Don’t confuse sex with love.”

It seems it’s a common and natural emotion that humans go through when they begin a sexual relationship, whether it be casual, romantic but non-committed or a soul-mate situation. This feeling of “attachment” that we develop with a person through sexuality cannot be denied. But we keep denying it. Time and time again with statements like the ones above….we keep denying that we are loving.

Ok, so perhaps a one-night-stand would be the least likely situation for 2 people to form a bond of sorts. But what was the point of the one-night-stand in the first place????

I’ve been a massage therapist for 15 years and the MAIN thing I have been taught and keep learning over and over again is….. HUMAN BEINGS NEED TO BE TOUCHED.  Most animals live inside a womb being cradled, held close to the mother and the heartbeat – the life force. When baby comes out the holding must continue. Babies must feel safe; reassured sub-consciously that they are being cared for through touch if they are going to stand a chance at being a loving person themselves.

Think about it, what is the usual behavior around a baby? We kiss and coddle the hell out of it. We are drawn to it like a moth to a flame! We just want to love it! And babies eat that shit up.

Truth is….we never want to stop. We go through life wanting and needing that love and reassurance of our existence to continue through being touched by another. A handshake, a pat on the back, holding hands, cradling to sleep, hugging, kissing, or makin some sweet ass naked love.

It’s ALL LOVE in some form!! Sex is an act of love. Through sex we love the body. We love our humanity. We love our own needs. We love another by giving pleasure, whether it’s considered selfless or selfish. We are loving.

Even in a casual sexual relationship aka ‘booty call’ aka ‘friend with benefits’ aka ‘fuck buddy’, a human bond is formed. It is STILL a love of some sort.

I have felt real love for some of my casual partners. I just grow to love them as a human being.  At times, I’ve even expressed it by simply saying “I love you.”  WHAT IS THERE TO FEAR?? Why do some people get so freaked out by those words? The words “I love you” do NOT have to come with expectation or an insinuated understanding like “ok i love you so it’s time we have a relationship now”.

Why can’t “I love you” simply mean “I love you” ?

Human beings need to have sex to feel the life force, the heartbeat, the empathy that the desire is reciprocated. That expression is love, you guys. Love.

There’s a great erotic movie called The Center of the World about a dancer who has agreed to have erotic play with a client for a few days for a nice sum of cash. He can’t help but love her and she denies her love for him…even though we know she feels the same. Ya sure, we see it in Pretty Woman too. Or a dozen other films. Which only reinforces my point. That because it started off as a ‘business transaction’ means that LOVE is off the table! Don’t you DARE fall in love!! Love is bad, you guys, bad! That’s what the movies say!

Even in “50 Shades of Grey” character, Christian Grey’s boundary to not be touched or loved was eventually crossed…and he liked it. He needed it. He wanted more. Through his exchange of sex with his heroine came the emotion of love. It happens people, the shit happens.

Sex alone is still a form of love. It may not turn into the kind that lasts a lifetime or even the kind that establishes a monogamous relationship. But nonetheless…. it’s love.

center of the world

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